Clueless of what I am feeling right now but very positively sure that its not a nice feeling to have. In fact, its not a feeling anyone would want to experience unless they just like to emotional for some reason. To be honest, I have not felt this way for a very long time. It feels like my heart literally break into pieces like a large piece of mirror was accidentally thrown to the floor and no matter how hard one tries to fix it, it can never be the same.
I am in a mess, a mess I do not know how to handle. A mess I do not know how to clean. I do chores every single day, clean every part of the house. I do it so often that I can do it with my eyes close (ok, I am just exaggerating) but the main point is, as much as I am able to make a house sparkle and clean, there is one place I do not know how to clean which is my heart. I do not know how to handle a situation when it requires a lot of negative emotions. There is so many things in my mind that I do not know which is bothering me. My pile of assignments are not doing any justice in making this situation better.
This mix feelings have been lingering within me for quite sometime and only recently, it decides to stick to me like a leech. I know deep down in my heart I need to do something about it. I want to move on. I want to climb. I want to run.
It is no accident that I suddenly do not have anything more to write before I decided to shut my laptop and just let it be. It is as though I am giving up on something. It is no accident that it was a Friday and I am attending a gathering in church. Most of all, it is no accident that I felt as light as a feather and as strong as a rock after Praise and Worship.
I have to admit that I was feeling restless until the worship leader for the night ask us to form a group of two to three people and share on "Why do we love Jesus?" My answer was "because I know He will always love me and never will betray me and that He is with me at all, good and bad times. He is the very first person whom I go to if I have both good and bad news." I do not know why but right after answering that, my tiredness went away and I suddenly felt energized. Call me crazy, but its true.
that 45 minutes of Praise and Worship could never been better. Chains are broken, walls had stumbled, hearts are renewed, life has been transformed. Can you imagine, all of this happening in just 45 MINUTES. Do you know how amazing that was? Can you feel the greatness and the power of God by just reading this? because oh boy.... I can feel it while typing it down. WOW!
God had shown me visions and spoke to me so real. Can you imagine standing behind of the crowd, hitting on the tambourine and every time the tambourine was hit, walls are broken and by the end, you see the all broken walls scattering and lying on the floor. I was given such a great privilege to see this. Thank You Daddy. On the other side, He says "I know what You need most" and he gave me a tight hug, so warm, so comfortable, so loved. <3
I teared. Not because of what is happening in my life but because I know God is bigger than all of my problems.
It is no accident that I suddenly do not have anything more to write before I decided to shut my laptop and just let it be. It is as though I am giving up on something. It is no accident that it was a Friday and I am attending a gathering in church. Most of all, it is no accident that I felt as light as a feather and as strong as a rock after Praise and Worship.
I have to admit that I was feeling restless until the worship leader for the night ask us to form a group of two to three people and share on "Why do we love Jesus?" My answer was "because I know He will always love me and never will betray me and that He is with me at all, good and bad times. He is the very first person whom I go to if I have both good and bad news." I do not know why but right after answering that, my tiredness went away and I suddenly felt energized. Call me crazy, but its true.
that 45 minutes of Praise and Worship could never been better. Chains are broken, walls had stumbled, hearts are renewed, life has been transformed. Can you imagine, all of this happening in just 45 MINUTES. Do you know how amazing that was? Can you feel the greatness and the power of God by just reading this? because oh boy.... I can feel it while typing it down. WOW!
God had shown me visions and spoke to me so real. Can you imagine standing behind of the crowd, hitting on the tambourine and every time the tambourine was hit, walls are broken and by the end, you see the all broken walls scattering and lying on the floor. I was given such a great privilege to see this. Thank You Daddy. On the other side, He says "I know what You need most" and he gave me a tight hug, so warm, so comfortable, so loved. <3
I teared. Not because of what is happening in my life but because I know God is bigger than all of my problems.
It took me a long time to decide on whether I would want to delete my original post and write about my experience on a normal Friday night but hey then I realized that it all make sense on why I suddenly have no mood to continue my "emo post" and its because God wants me to share about how amazing and faithful God is that in times of trouble, He is there for me. God is my refuge and my strength.
It does not mean my heartache has vanished. It just means that I allow God to slowly do the cleaning of my heart and I am not surprised if He took my heart and exchange it with His. He replaced my mirror. That took place on an ordinary Friday night in church.
