CRY

    Sometimes all we need is to just cry. There are a lot of reason to cry. For example, when you recall an incident that hurt you most at one point, or when you are grateful of having something so special, receiving something that you know that you will keep forever or even when someone who you might have lost along the way.

    I remember the day when my grandfather (maternal side) pass away. It was approximately 4am when my mother suddenly slam my room door and say " kong kong pass away " and I immediately wake up, not knowing what to do or think but to see tears rolling down on my mothers face, I know I have to call somebody. The first person whom I call is my dad and then my grandpa and ask him to pass the message to my sister and brother. On our way back to Ipoh, there is just silence and tears rolling down on our face. I was sitting in the front seat, facing out the window but everything seems so blur and suddenly I witness the sunrise. I do not know why am I just focusing on the sun at that time but what I know is I keep telling God to make this a dream. When we reached my grandfather's place, the first thing we see when we enter the house is my grandfather lying on the floor and then I know it was real. The incident was real. My ah kong passed away. I straight went in the to the kitchen. I have never experience a lost of a person in my life and I did not expect that my ah kong will be the first one. Time seem to pass really slow that day and one by one arrived from KL and Thailand.

    After the funeral service at night, family members are asked to take one more look at him before all of us closed the coffin together.There is nothing but just tears in the room. The worst part is my mother is supposed to travel down to Ipoh to see my grandfather on that very day itself and to know that you are a few hours late, it is like the worst feeling ever. Oh I remember so clearly like it just happened yesterday and everytime I think about this situation, I could not help but to cry. I fell down on my knees because I could not feel my legs and my dad pull me up and just hold me so tightly and put me around his arms. He hugged me and did not let me go and he say, " ah kong is in Heaven now. He will be very happy up there with God ".  To think of it now, I do not know whether I am crying even more because I was shocked to hear my dad say that or not at that moment.

    I do not really know my grandfather as much as my my fathers father who lives in Penang. I don't really communicate with him when I am there. The only time I visit him is during Chinese New Year but despite of all the roles I did not do as a grand daughter, he still love me. He use to give us (cousins) the biggest ang pau during Chinese New Year and he will always ask my aunty to cook the food that we love when we are in Ipoh, he would also buy breakfast for us and wait till everybody finish eating and then he will eat what is left on the table. Maybe this is his way of showing us his love. He communicates with us through actions rather than words and I think its amazing. I am blessed to receive this kind of love which is love through actions and I am so blessed to have him in my life. His coffin is purely white and there is a picture of the Last Supper and it was beautiful. He was smiling and he looked so good and handsome.  A few days before he passed away, he was featured in a Chinese newspaper as he had give his service to the army long time ago.

    Sometimes we might feel its stupid to cry for a particular situation but what I realized is I always feel refresh and somehow are able to think more clearly after crying. Like every time I cry when the situation where my grandfather passed away came across my mind because I miss him so much, I come to my senses that he is with God and he is happy and that is what matters most. I believe God has a reason for this to happen.

    Therefore, cry if you have to. Go somewhere comfortable and somewhere no one can see you, and cry out because you may never know, you might find your answer while crying. As for me, when I cry, I cry with God. I surrender my all that I am feeling at that moment and because of that, I get the answer. So much so, I also get to feel God's love and warmth. haha. I always wanted to write this incident down but I could find the right words and then today the word "cry" just came in to my mind and that is how I got the idea of how I can share this incident with all of you. I am not asking for pity or anything but its something that is very important to me that I want to share. Blessed Morning! God bless you. <3